


i saw you, yeah you, you're breaking down

by beware_of_you



Series: only love [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Emily is traumatized, F/F, JJ's mad at Hotch, Someone give her a hug, and herself - Freeform, angsty, honestly both these gays need hugs, it hurts, its angsty, its the plane scene from 200 but gay and sad, jj is v v sad and upset
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beware_of_you/pseuds/beware_of_you
Summary: if this is Hotch's way of letting JJ ease her guilty conscience, it's not working.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Series: only love [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838533
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	i saw you, yeah you, you're breaking down

**Author's Note:**

> it's sad folks
> 
> honestly it's just the plane scene from 200 except they're both super gay and super sad

Honestly, JJ should have seen this coming when Hotch had told her about Emily's condition in the hospital.

She was an idiot to think she would just have to carry the burden of the truth with her. When the six weeks Strauss has given her finally dissipates, she would simply just go back to Afghanistan with the weight of this very important secret on her shoulders. Obviously there was an ulterior motive Hotch had for her.

She never would have expected it to be leaving her son three weeks early to cart Emily to Paris in an Interpol jet and spend the remaining time the section chief had given her off ensuring that Emily would be perfectly able to cope alone.

No, she never thought that because it seems like the ultimate cosmic joke. To play house with a woman (a woman who's supposed to be very much dead, mind you) she's been secretly in love with for years in the most romantic city in the entire fucking world for nearly a month then to ditch her when their time gets cut short and possibly never see her again sounds like an awful plot line for a mid day television drama.

But it's entirely too real.

If this is Hotch's way of letting JJ ease her guilty conscience, it's not working.

She feels a million times worse about everything once she actually sees Emily in person for the first time in _months._

She's skinnier than JJ's ever remembered seeing her, cheeks slightly hollowed and fingers long and thin from being under for so long (from what she understands, Emily's only just recently woken up, a few days tops at the most). Yet, despite the medical induced coma she had been put in, Emily looks exhausted with her hair unkempt and deep, dark purple circles beneath her eyes.

Her fingers tremble on their own accord, the look in her eyes seems distant, so _haunted_ and broken it fucking breaks JJ's heart. Her nails are already bitten down far past the signature nubs JJ was so used to seeing. Emily had begun to pick at her cuticles, the thin skin ripping away without issue under the excessive picking.

Her face contorts in pain and she flinches, hand coming up to rub at her chest. JJ's stomach clenches with worry, concerned frown furrowed on her face. Emily shouldn't be flying this soon. Her body was still healing, the stitches in her abdomen are still fragile and tender. She's still recovering from her head injuries.

Why the _hell_ would Hotch let her fly like this? If the entire point of lying to the team was to keep Emily safe, why send her overseas in this condition?

"The first thing I'm doing when we get to Paris is having this thing removed," Emily suddenly speaks up.

JJ jumps in her seat—she hadn't been expecting it.

Emily's voice sounds rough, raw from the breathing tube she was on in the hospital for a short period of time. The sentence comes out louder than she would normally speak, which causes her to cringe. She manages a half smile of sorts, "How the hell can a brand possibly hurt more than getting staked?" Her tone, her smile is self deprecating, as if she was asking what the hell was wrong with her.

JJ swallows audibly, bringing her legs up on the small couch that they share, frowning slightly in concentration. "Maybe its a psychosomatic itch you're scratching," she offers quietly. When Emily stares back at her blankly, it's like the words just come geysering from her mouth without a filter. "The brand left an emotional toll. Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his. A stake. I mean, you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you're proud of?"

She wants to smack herself upside the head.

She's supposed to be helping Emily and instead she's sitting here and profiling her, reminding her of the man that nearly killed her. A man that's still out there. A man that most likely still haunts Emily's nightmares.

It's like she's blaming Emily for everything: this trip, for Hotch sending JJ off to look after her, for lying to the team, eventually to Henry. That's not how she wanted to come across. She's being a complete and total ass.

She sinks back against the couch, winces at her total lack of sympathy. She begins to rub self consciously at her wrist, another nervous habit she's picked up some time over the past few months. As a weak attempt, she adds, "Or you could always get another tattoo."

Emily frowns slightly. "Oh."

"Yeah. Something transformative—like a phoenix," she muses out loud. "Or a blackbird."

Managing to crack a full smile, Emily nods slowly. "Well, I love the song." The smile disappears quickly from her face, her eyes shining with concern. "But something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters."

JJ freezes.

Emily's gaze softens, eyes knowing. "Come on, JJ. Something's obviously different about you. You commandeered an Interpol jet. You're profiling me. Why didn't you say your transfer was a backstop?"

JJ's lips press into a thin line. She had forgotten just how easily Emily can read her.

Of course JJ's different: she just watched someone she loves die in front of her only to find out that same person is actually _okay,_ had to lie to her friends and son about it, had to go to a funeral for this person, had spent nights crying herself to sleep over this person, had to keep this person safe and fly her across the world only to leave her and possibly never see her again.

And that was just what happened in the _states_ in the few short weeks she's been back. Add all the stresses from the mission for the "state department" and she might as well be a completely different person.

Emily smiles wryly over at her. "Ah, I know that look. The "I-can't-trust-anyone-but-myself" look. I invented it. I'm not so easily fooled, Jayje."

JJ swallows thickly at the nickname, staring down at her hands, clasping them tightly. "Do you ever feel you're in way over your head?" Too much is happening in her head, and every single thought is painful. She contemplates silently, finally breaking on the one thing no one else knows, the one topic that's safe to approach. The least painful thought that plagues her mind.

"I got assigned to an information hunt." Her jaw clenches as her hands do, her fingers splaying out limply in her lap. "Instead, I am chasing an unsub who killed my informant," she concludes bitterly.

"What would Hotch tell you to do?"

 _Lie, probably_ JJ almost spits out, but reels herself back. It doesn't do either of them any good to take any of this out on Hotch. She shrugs, folding her arms across her chest protectively. "Focus on victimology. Let behavior lead the way," she murmurs honestly.

Emily cracks a small smile, almost proudly. "Exactly. Who did your unsub kill?"

"The one person I was getting through to," she replies.

"Why?" Emily gently presses.

"Because, I was getting—" JJ chokes up, swallows thickly. She stares out the window so Emily can't see the tears forming in her eyes. "I was getting through to her," she concludes dejectedly.

"What if she was about to expose her killer?" Emily asks softly. "Someone on the inside?" She ducks her head, giving JJ an encouraging look. "Sounds like it's time for you to be the blackbird and flip the script."

"Yeah, I guess so," JJ murmurs, her eyes glued to the clouds outside the window. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore, it's too upsetting. Everything is too upsetting, constricting her and threatening to swallow her deeper. It's just _too_ much.

She just wants to be back home with Henry, back before any of this ever happened. She wonders if deep down, Emily wants that, too, but quickly shakes that thought from her mind. Emily's supposed to be dead, she has to remind herself firmly. It's why she's not offering any physical comfort, why she's trying to be as distant as she can be. She has to be the one to push her feelings for Emily away, to hide them deep down, to remain professional and do her job. She only has to ensure Emily can live on her own, that she's healed enough to manage by herself.

She's not supposed to be getting more attached than she already is. She's supposed to be acting as if she'll never see the other woman again. She needs to get through these next few weeks as painlessly as possible, for the sake of them both.

Emily looks over at her sadly for a few moments, sighing softly to herself. She brings an arm protectively around her own stomach, once again rubbing at the clover branded onto her chest.

The rest of their flight is silent, even as they land in the private airport in Paris.


End file.
